1 litre of tears ...

its been a while since i last wrote a post .. i dont know what i feel .. i dont know if there is feeling inside of me , i felt nothing .. is it my fault??.. okey , let me make the introduction.... i just met 2 of my best childhood friends ... we have our own story , our own life , but ... after shit-chating for a while .. its seems like the world are a cruel place for us to live in .. why people do this to us??? .. why they dont just happy with what they have??? .. is it true , we dont realize what we have until we loose them?? .. what is the good thing realizing what we loose after we lost them?? .. the world is unfair .. why they can live happily after making us suffer?? .... its totally not fair .. we laugh ... yeah... we laugh ... but inside , we are crying ... cried heavily, while others think our life is perfect?? .. hey, dont judge me by my look .. u should try ur best to get to know me ... hey dad .. hey ma ..why u never ask?? ... is it my fault??? .. both of u are so selfish ... hey guys , remind me if im making the same mistakes as what they did .... remind me ... please...

4 years of ego

he's old ....
yeah .. he's getting old ...

its been 4 years ...since i last saw him ..
yeah .....
its already been 4 years ....
he's changed...
changed a lot ..
he's getting a lot of grey hair ...
yurp ....
times take his youth away ..
and i miss that time..
when he was young ....
when he was fierce to everything ...
when he was the pillar of the family ....
when he was the one we (my sister and i ) scared the most .....
and he's my father ..

for this past 4 years , ive been thinking how angry he was at me ...
his heir ,
his son ....
for what i've done this whole 4 years .....
yeah .. i've been selfish ....
its my ego that stop me from seeing him ....
and i regret it ......
i regret it when he doesn't recognize his own son ,
it's my fault for when he doesn't know how to say my name ....
it's my fault when he cant say my nickname ....
it's my fault .....

for this past 4 years ....
ive been thinking a lot bout u ....
ive been missing a lot bout u .....
ive been wanting to chat with u ....
n ive been wanting just to hug u .....


and after this 4 whole years......
this night ....
i did it ..
i hugged u ....
the person i admire the most ....
my dad ....

miss ya dad ...

t o n i g h t

Tonight ......
This cold night,
I open up my diary,
Diary of my life,
Reading it,
Over and over again,
I realize......
I couldn't find U between the lines of my life,
And I realized,
how i was always afraid,
Scared,
Petrified,
Terrified,
Temessed,
That i could find U in my words...

But,
Tonight,
This cold night ,
The night i open up my diary,
Tonight,
Im brave enough,
To forget the saddest lines of my past,
And write a new chapter,
Where i will have U fill the lines,

So,
The next time i open my diary,
On that night,
I will know that i was brave enough,
To fill the lines of my life,
With U......
Until the last chapter is closed......

-MR VAMPIRE-

change

hye there .. hmm i wanna talk bout my weekends .. its totally fun , lepaking at home .. with mama , bro n sis .... it's just nice .. its our time .... mom make a big progress in her jokes ...... haks .. FRIENDS , i dont know why , this past few days , ive began to love my self .. and i realize how much ive wasted my time and how much ive been destroying my self this pass few years ... yeah .. i know .. yes im stupid .. Im a moron , yeah .. i admit it .. its not wrong admitting ur weaknesses ... aite??? ... hmmm .. but its not right, after knowing the weaknesses , we dont change it .. and yes .. ive made mistakes ... and i know i didn't do anything to change it .. so , from now on .. its my promise to my family , my friends , and most of all myself .. i wont let u guys down .. i really wanna change ... its not too late for me to change .. there're many things to be done.. want me to list it down?? ... hhuhu .. i ve got the time , so , why dont i write it???

1. - i want to buy new outfits ( i really want to do this a long ago , but its a mistakes that i did nothing till now)
2. - i want to change the way i talk . im a bit "gagap" if u do know me well .. haks ... and im really ashamed of it ....
3. - i want to change the way i think .... hmmm .. im not really sure bout this , but i can see that i dont think enuff ..
4. - i want to learn english ... im trying to type this post in english ....my English is getting worst , day by day .. and it needs a lot of effort to improve them ... kinda jealous with DAOS n NAPEK .. their english is ... hmmm .. what word shud i use .. "beyond GODLIKE " haha ..... u guys made me realize how bad i am in English ....
5. - and the last thing on my mind is , i just want to .... hmmm .. CHANGE ...... its been too long ... always making the same mistakes , over and over again ... i want to be the new AIZAD ..... yeah .. its simple , i just want to be myself .... AIZAD .................
   

p/s:to all my friends ... id really hope that u can teach and lead me to be myself again .. because , its been too long , since ive loose myself ... da~

fallin in love ....

haha .. cinta .. satu mende yang nak cakap pasal mende tuh pun aku tak tau .. aku selaluu bagi pendapat secare rasional aku jek .. aku slaloo cakap ngan kawan2 aku pasal perasaan bagi due2 belah biphak yang aku sendiri pon tak tau btol ke tak .. just ape yang aku ckap cme berdasarkan logik fikiran aku jek ... hmm .. slaloo gak r budak2 neh mintak nasihat aku .. sume ye psal satu perkataan neh jek .. CINTA .... hhahaha .. 5 taon lepas , aku fuck gle sape cakap sal mende neh ... al mase tuh budak2 kot ... tapi tu la dier .. makin besr aku ,makin mtang kot , n makin la mudah aku unutk menerima bende2 berkaitan perkataan neh .. smpikan at last , aku pon masuk skali set2 neh .. haha .. ntah pape je kan .. tapi tu la dier .. aku pon tak sangke yang aku boleh plak join budak2 yang aku "fuck " gle dulu .. haha .. apelah aku neh .. tapi pekataan neh kan .. mmg bahaye gle r .. sbb mmg la sonok .. weh .. sape kate cinta tu tak sonok .. gile ke .. tapi kalu ko jatuh ... ley sewel lime taon seh .. hahaha .... ade kawan aku tuh , siap menangis bagai nak rak .. 3 bulan gak r dier sewel .. tapi bile dah pulih .. haha ... twok kene bahan .. tapi sume pon atas dorongan kawan2 .. tanpa kawan2 sape la kite kan .. eeh . tu bab laen ... CINTA .. mmg best gle weh .. sbb aku pon penah rase gak dulu .. becinte bagai nak rak .. tapi bile jatuh .. waaaaa .. seb baek aku jenis orang tak ske berfikir .. kalu tak , ngan aku2 skali join team budak sewel .. hahaha ... hmm .. tak tau la cane nak cakap tapi , pas jatuh tu ... mmg sakit gle r .. .. haha .. macam bodoh .. tapi lek r kan .. name pon manusie ..... hahah .. "manis" .. gle gay ayat aku ... hmmm .. pape .... skang aku dah tak tau cane nak bercinta ... cane ek?? ...... ade orang ley tolong tak?? . aku cme ley jadik advisor jek .. tapi nak jadik pengamal tuh .. perghh .. jgn la weh .. aku tak pandai dah .. haha .. tapi aku nk gak bercinta ... n aku kene belajar balik .. sbb aku dah JATUH CINTA .. lalalaa~

out~

tak tau r ...

i just dont know how to show what my feeling in words.. fuck .. kadang-kadang bile otak yang mmg tak selalu aku gune neh start berfikir , aku start rase pelik .. kenapa la kan dalam dunia neh , ade jek orang yang ske ajukan salah kat orang laen .. kenapa la takde orang yang berpegang kat konsep , "wat salah , berani tanggung r wei" ... ni tak kenape la nak salah kan orang len ag ... hmmm .. kite kan kawan , kenapa nak makan kawan ?? ... macamana la kite nak berjaye kalu kite slaloo jek nak makan orang len ... periuk nasik orang tu kan .. tak elok .. aku slaloo cbe nak berfikir secara rasional .. walaupon susah aku nak wat kan ...(biase la ... its aizad dude , ) ... macamana la orang nak hormat kite kan , kalu kite sendiri pon tak boleh nak hormat orang len ... im tryin my best to do what i can do to respect people .... hmmm ... kepada kawan-kawan .. aku btol2 mintak maaf kalu kadang2 aku macam tak respect korang .... korang ialah aset terbesar aku kat dunia neh .. selaen awek aku r kan .. tapi tu r dier , seyes aku respect gle korang .. eventoe kdaang2 ade gak kawan2 yang aku respect neh yang makan aku balik kan .. tapi takpe la .. yang lepas kan .. pk lame2 pon , bukan boleh mati ... skali kawan , sampai bile2 kawan ....

ok tukar pade topic laen plak ... hmmm ... ambil berat .. hmmm .. aku ank cte al sorang kawan aku neh .. dier ade gf .. mmg un gle r .. mmg jenis kawan aku neh kuat gle amek berat .... bak kate orang manje kan awek dier la kan ... mmg best gle r .. tapi satu hari tu , tetibe jek datang kat aku .. ckap nyesal .... hmmm aku tanye r "nape??," then dier cte r . yang awek dier dah jadik takley nak bediri sendiri .... kirenye perlukan dier setiap mase ... yang kadang2 dier jadik rimas ... so , aku cakap la satu bende jek yang jadik salah dier .. " ko amek berat ngat" .... sbb pe aku kate camtu??? .. sbb bagi aku lah kan .. pada pemikiran akal yang dengkel neh , aku rase tak salah nak amek berat , tapi berpada-pada ... sbb kalu kite amek berat ngat , nnt jadik la macam kes kawan aku tuh .. kite rase ape yang kite wat tu sweet , baek , bertanggungjawap ,tapi sebenarnye kite tak sedar kesan dier .... and at last kite mmg susah nak ubah .... gile ko , awek tuh , kalu dah jadik camtu , nak ubah cane agi .... GILE .... oleh itu rakan2 jgn la diteladani kawan aku tu ye .... abeh la awek korang nnt .. dont think bout the present ... jgn pk mende yang pendek2 jek ... kite slaloo salahkan orang len tak fikir panjang .. tapi cbe kite renung kan balik .. berfikir panjang ke kite??? .. kite dah makin lalai .. think wisely my fwen .... as its really help .....

D . e . A . T . H .

tajuk macam gempak .. haks .... just nak kate .. im not dead .... and i can move on .. i can do well .. i can do my best .... the more insult they throw , the more tougher i am ...haks .... and one more thing for sure .. I dont care anymore ... lalala~ ..... life's like a wheel , sometimes we can be on the top of it , and sometimes we'll be at the bottom ... im ready to be at the bottom (im ready arent i??)... im fall with proud ..... im a Malaysian thoe ... the new breed of Malaysian ... haks .... like what i have said , the new breed ... ill be one ..... hey world , wait and see . i shall rise .... da~

jadual

dalam sminggu lepas , mmg kucar-kacir gle r jadual .. haha .. awa2 sem dulu , bujet nak jek g kelas sume ... tapi skang .. haram nak nmpk batnag idung kat kelas pagi-pagi .. twokkan .. haks .. bile ingat2 bali past pas borak ngan tableigh .. rase nye dah jumpe kot punce dier .. haha .. jadual aku dah khancur .. lalala~ .. so , skang cane kite nak settlekan mende nie?? .. adeh ..jom perah otak .. haha .. tapi seyes skang nie nak sanagat g mandi sungai .. tension weh .. jom mandi sungai ... best tuh .. at least tyme tu , ley lepaskkan sume tekanan kan?? .. haks .. final tinggal bape minggu jek agi .. bile nak berubah nie weh

m a t u r e d

haha .. kadang2 kan bile dok melangok sorang2 , teingat plak pe penah wat dulu .. start dari kenal dunie ni samapi la skang neh .. dah dekat 21 taon dah idop .. haks .. macam2 jadik.. macam2 peluang kite lepaskan camtu jek .... bile pk balik .. alangkah ruginye bile lepaskan ape yang terbaek depan kite .. haha .. childhood memories .. sonok bile pk balik .. n banding kan canekite handle masalah dulu , ngan care kite handle masalah skang .. mmg beze gle .. haks .. dulu , kalu tanak , mmg twos .. kate kan tanak .. tapi skang .. even to say a word .. kene pk banyak mende .. hmmm .. perasaan kite , perasaan orang len .. haha .. macam2 .. so , nak tanak , kene menjadik lagi matang .. tol tak?? .. haks . nak tanak gak , kite kene gak trime mase dah berubah .. haha .. time do change people .. the way we talk , the way we do things , the way how we resolve our problems .. we are getting more matured .. lalala~

M U M B L E R

haha .... kadang-kadang kite ni rase diri kite ni perfect sangatkan .. kite boleh pandang rendah kat orang len .. walhal , bile fikir-fikir balik , kiter tau , orang tu lagi bagus dari kite .. ye ... ape kite nampak tu la ape yang kite pecaye ... tapi kite kena faham , orang yang kite nmpk tu bukan kite btol-btol kenal dier .. n sumpah kite tak boleh judge orang dengan ape yang kite nmpk je .. sbb tu la orang kate .. ape yang kite nmpk tu tak semuanye betul ... walaupon kite rase kite kenal orang tu , tapi pecaye la ..kite tak kenal die langsong sebenarnye .. haha .. manusie ngan perangai masing2 ... jom mumble

BAD IN ENGLISH

im totally dont noe how to write a good essay .. i rather choose to write my answer during exam in Malay better than english .. ha .. ha ..and i always tealk to my self, how bad i am n english .. kinda jeolous to those who can write well ... its fun to read their story ... haks ... but im trying to improve it (hope so) hahaha ...

aku di sini saja ... a new start

hola .. aku di sini saja .. di sini aku bermula ....