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Saturday, April 21, 2007

4 years of ego

he's old ....
yeah .. he's getting old ...

its been 4 years ...since i last saw him ..
yeah .....
its already been 4 years ....
he's changed...
changed a lot ..
he's getting a lot of grey hair ...
yurp ....
times take his youth away ..
and i miss that time..
when he was young ....
when he was fierce to everything ...
when he was the pillar of the family ....
when he was the one we (my sister and i ) scared the most .....
and he's my father ..

for this past 4 years , ive been thinking how angry he was at me ...
his heir ,
his son ....
for what i've done this whole 4 years .....
yeah .. i've been selfish ....
its my ego that stop me from seeing him ....
and i regret it ......
i regret it when he doesn't recognize his own son ,
it's my fault for when he doesn't know how to say my name ....
it's my fault when he cant say my nickname ....
it's my fault .....

for this past 4 years ....
ive been thinking a lot bout u ....
ive been missing a lot bout u .....
ive been wanting to chat with u ....
n ive been wanting just to hug u .....


and after this 4 whole years......
this night ....
i did it ..
i hugged u ....
the person i admire the most ....
my dad ....

miss ya dad ...

Friday, April 20, 2007

t o n i g h t

Tonight ......
This cold night,
I open up my diary,
Diary of my life,
Reading it,
Over and over again,
I realize......
I couldn't find U between the lines of my life,
And I realized,
how i was always afraid,
Scared,
Petrified,
Terrified,
Temessed,
That i could find U in my words...

But,
Tonight,
This cold night ,
The night i open up my diary,
Tonight,
Im brave enough,
To forget the saddest lines of my past,
And write a new chapter,
Where i will have U fill the lines,

So,
The next time i open my diary,
On that night,
I will know that i was brave enough,
To fill the lines of my life,
With U......
Until the last chapter is closed......

-MR VAMPIRE-

Monday, April 16, 2007

change

hye there .. hmm i wanna talk bout my weekends .. its totally fun , lepaking at home .. with mama , bro n sis .... it's just nice .. its our time .... mom make a big progress in her jokes ...... haks .. FRIENDS , i dont know why , this past few days , ive began to love my self .. and i realize how much ive wasted my time and how much ive been destroying my self this pass few years ... yeah .. i know .. yes im stupid .. Im a moron , yeah .. i admit it .. its not wrong admitting ur weaknesses ... aite??? ... hmmm .. but its not right, after knowing the weaknesses , we dont change it .. and yes .. ive made mistakes ... and i know i didn't do anything to change it .. so , from now on .. its my promise to my family , my friends , and most of all myself .. i wont let u guys down .. i really wanna change ... its not too late for me to change .. there're many things to be done.. want me to list it down?? ... hhuhu .. i ve got the time , so , why dont i write it???
  1. - i want to buy new outfits ( i really want to do this a long ago , but its a mistakes that i did nothing till now)
  2. - i want to change the way i talk . im a bit "gagap" if u do know me well .. haks ... and im really ashamed of it ....
  3. - i want to change the way i think .... hmmm .. im not really sure bout this , but i can see that i dont think enuff ..
  4. - i want to learn english ... im trying to type this post in english ....my English is getting worst , day by day .. and it needs a lot of effort to improve them ... kinda jealous with DAOS n NAPEK .. their english is ... hmmm .. what word shud i use .. "beyond GODLIKE " haha ..... u guys made me realize how bad i am in English ....
  5. - and the last thing on my mind is , i just want to .... hmmm .. CHANGE ...... its been too long ... always making the same mistakes , over and over again ... i want to be the new AIZAD ..... yeah .. its simple , i just want to be myself .... AIZAD .................


p/s:to all my friends ... id really hope that u can teach and lead me to be myself again .. because , its been too long , since ive loose myself ... da~

Monday, April 09, 2007

fallin in love ....

haha .. cinta .. satu mende yang nak cakap pasal mende tuh pun aku tak tau .. aku selaluu bagi pendapat secare rasional aku jek .. aku slaloo cakap ngan kawan2 aku pasal perasaan bagi due2 belah biphak yang aku sendiri pon tak tau btol ke tak .. just ape yang aku ckap cme berdasarkan logik fikiran aku jek ... hmm .. slaloo gak r budak2 neh mintak nasihat aku .. sume ye psal satu perkataan neh jek .. CINTA .... hhahaha .. 5 taon lepas , aku fuck gle sape cakap sal mende neh ... al mase tuh budak2 kot ... tapi tu la dier .. makin besr aku ,makin mtang kot , n makin la mudah aku unutk menerima bende2 berkaitan perkataan neh .. smpikan at last , aku pon masuk skali set2 neh .. haha .. ntah pape je kan .. tapi tu la dier .. aku pon tak sangke yang aku boleh plak join budak2 yang aku "fuck " gle dulu .. haha .. apelah aku neh .. tapi pekataan neh kan .. mmg bahaye gle r .. sbb mmg la sonok .. weh .. sape kate cinta tu tak sonok .. gile ke .. tapi kalu ko jatuh ... ley sewel lime taon seh .. hahaha .... ade kawan aku tuh , siap menangis bagai nak rak .. 3 bulan gak r dier sewel .. tapi bile dah pulih .. haha ... twok kene bahan .. tapi sume pon atas dorongan kawan2 .. tanpa kawan2 sape la kite kan .. eeh . tu bab laen ... CINTA .. mmg best gle weh .. sbb aku pon penah rase gak dulu .. becinte bagai nak rak .. tapi bile jatuh .. waaaaa .. seb baek aku jenis orang tak ske berfikir .. kalu tak , ngan aku2 skali join team budak sewel .. hahaha ... hmm .. tak tau la cane nak cakap tapi , pas jatuh tu ... mmg sakit gle r .. .. haha .. macam bodoh .. tapi lek r kan .. name pon manusie ..... hahah .. "manis" .. gle gay ayat aku ... hmmm .. pape .... skang aku dah tak tau cane nak bercinta ... cane ek?? ...... ade orang ley tolong tak?? . aku cme ley jadik advisor jek .. tapi nak jadik pengamal tuh .. perghh .. jgn la weh .. aku tak pandai dah .. haha .. tapi aku nk gak bercinta ... n aku kene belajar balik .. sbb aku dah JATUH CINTA .. lalalaa~

out~

tak tau r ...

i just dont know how to show what my feeling in words.. fuck .. kadang-kadang bile otak yang mmg tak selalu aku gune neh start berfikir , aku start rase pelik .. kenapa la kan dalam dunia neh , ade jek orang yang ske ajukan salah kat orang laen .. kenapa la takde orang yang berpegang kat konsep , "wat salah , berani tanggung r wei" ... ni tak kenape la nak salah kan orang len ag ... hmmm .. kite kan kawan , kenapa nak makan kawan ?? ... macamana la kite nak berjaye kalu kite slaloo jek nak makan orang len ... periuk nasik orang tu kan .. tak elok .. aku slaloo cbe nak berfikir secara rasional .. walaupon susah aku nak wat kan ...(biase la ... its aizad dude , ) ... macamana la orang nak hormat kite kan , kalu kite sendiri pon tak boleh nak hormat orang len ... im tryin my best to do what i can do to respect people .... hmmm ... kepada kawan-kawan .. aku btol2 mintak maaf kalu kadang2 aku macam tak respect korang .... korang ialah aset terbesar aku kat dunia neh .. selaen awek aku r kan .. tapi tu r dier , seyes aku respect gle korang .. eventoe kdaang2 ade gak kawan2 yang aku respect neh yang makan aku balik kan .. tapi takpe la .. yang lepas kan .. pk lame2 pon , bukan boleh mati ... skali kawan , sampai bile2 kawan ....

ok tukar pade topic laen plak ... hmmm ... ambil berat .. hmmm .. aku ank cte al sorang kawan aku neh .. dier ade gf .. mmg un gle r .. mmg jenis kawan aku neh kuat gle amek berat .... bak kate orang manje kan awek dier la kan ... mmg best gle r .. tapi satu hari tu , tetibe jek datang kat aku .. ckap nyesal .... hmmm aku tanye r "nape??," then dier cte r . yang awek dier dah jadik takley nak bediri sendiri .... kirenye perlukan dier setiap mase ... yang kadang2 dier jadik rimas ... so , aku cakap la satu bende jek yang jadik salah dier .. " ko amek berat ngat" .... sbb pe aku kate camtu??? .. sbb bagi aku lah kan .. pada pemikiran akal yang dengkel neh , aku rase tak salah nak amek berat , tapi berpada-pada ... sbb kalu kite amek berat ngat , nnt jadik la macam kes kawan aku tuh .. kite rase ape yang kite wat tu sweet , baek , bertanggungjawap ,tapi sebenarnye kite tak sedar kesan dier .... and at last kite mmg susah nak ubah .... gile ko , awek tuh , kalu dah jadik camtu , nak ubah cane agi .... GILE .... oleh itu rakan2 jgn la diteladani kawan aku tu ye .... abeh la awek korang nnt .. dont think bout the present ... jgn pk mende yang pendek2 jek ... kite slaloo salahkan orang len tak fikir panjang .. tapi cbe kite renung kan balik .. berfikir panjang ke kite??? .. kite dah makin lalai .. think wisely my fwen .... as its really help .....